Apparently, when you die, time slows to a syrupy trundle and your whole life flashes before the eyes; the most beloved memories distending and stretching into long, glossy swathes of gorgeous nostalgia. It’s a lovely thought; albeit one which cuts both ways – and the other direction heads towards clammy-necked horror. What if the only [...]
There is rarely reward in wasting brain cells wondering why the plucky rock stars on the pages of Bad Cover Versions do such things; acceptance of the fact that there can be no reasons is the surest route to remaining sane. But the groups themselves would tell you differently, bristling at any suggestion of your incredulity. Some [...]
Ageing is merely the physical manifestation of the gap between birth and death. By this token, when this song ends we can all honestly claim to have meandered just that bit further through the forest of life, ageing just a smidgen ourselves. By which I mean, of course, that we will have all died a [...]
Quick – name two songs by late 80′s chart-toppers Candy Flip. You’ve got three paragraphs to come up with an answer. During this twitchy pursuit of Bad Cover Versions it has occurred to me that all pertinent questions can swiftly be boiled down to one, simpler, one – albeit one uttered through agonised, ragged and [...]
We’ve been here before. What is it about Jimi Hendrix‘s Little Wing that induces such foolhardiness and drives bands to turn their minds inside out attempting to replicate the song? After Sting, apparently overfed on ego and too much fois gras, performed an audio force-feeding and distended the song into a horrifying nine-minute aural catastrophe, [...]
Flashing a permanently wide-eyed, mouth-breathing, minimum-brain-function gawp at every sight that slides uncontrollably before his freely-swivelling eyes, Mika’s demeanour suggests a man still impressed by the sudden excitement provided by a pop-up toaster. And, dressed in the manner of a Synesthete who had just woken from a 25-year coma and subsequently refused all fashion assistance, [...]
For several generations of men, Olivia Newton John has been defined almost exclusively by her bottom. Wait – that’s not totally fair: her peachy bottom and luxurious thighs, as exquisitely framed by those delicious spray-on black trousers at the end of Grease. Being remembered purely for your buttocks must play havoc with your self-worth. “I’m [...]
I met a man in California once. His name was Doctor Billy. He reminded me in appearance, demeanour and intensity, of an ageing Colonel Killgore from Apocalypse Now! I got the feeling he’d lived an exciting life. By ‘exciting’, I mean of course, ‘had taken a lot of acid in the 60′s.’ Eye-popping stories emerged [...]
Let me introduce you to a cover version that provides final, irredeemable proof that the lifeless body of Rock has been drained to a point where the veins gurgle, spit and splutter. And the liquid that sluices out? Pure molten cheese. This cover version shines the spotlight on all that is wrong with humankind, and [...]
There She Goes is one of those songs. Whether soundtracking fond memories of hazy teenage summer crushes, haunting bitter-sweet laments or providing the audio for a number of falling-in-love montage sequences in cheap rom-coms, There She Goes will be the go-to song for decades to come. It’s hard to overstate the song’s perfection. The La‘s [...]
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