27 April 2011 // Written by Joe Sparrow ~ 9 Comments

George Michael – True Faith

Apparently, when you die, time slows to a syrupy trundle and your whole life flashes before the eyes; the most beloved memories distending and stretching into long, glossy swathes of gorgeous nostalgia.

It’s a lovely thought; albeit one which cuts both ways – and the other direction heads towards clammy-necked horror.

What if the only life memory your brain can dredge up is that one time when you listened to New Order’s True Faith whilst under heavy sedation and encased in industrial packing foam?

As curious a scenario as it may seem, in retrospect this is the only reasonable circumstance under which the creation of George Michael’s cover of True Faith could actually occur.

For a man whose recent career has been characterised by one hilarious misfire after the other, by covering True Faith in the style of a near-comatose bends victim, managing only to gabble out lyrics in painfully slo-mo gasps, he has still – astonishingly – managed to catch the general populace off guard.

The whole song appears to have been arbitrarily slowed to half speed, and George’s phoned-in-from-a-parallel-universe-of-hopelessness lyrical style gives us a useful inkling of what it must be like to be trapped in both a vegetative state and a hospital ward along with a rabid fan of early 90′s synth pop.

One common theme that slops throughout the environs of the Bad Cover Version is the Horrifically Distended Vocal Performance. It’s as if the perpetrators have reached a point in their careers where egos become so inflated that Air Traffic Control frets whenever they get within 10 miles of Heathrow, and the simple act of making a nice song just doesn’t cut it any more.

Relief from George’s ennui was found in the form of the – apparently – newly-discovered opening in the front of his head that makes all sorts of amusing noises when that bit of muscle inside flops about.

Inert with tedium, and ill with Distended Vowel Syndrome, the lyrics subsequently supplied might well be an attempt to remember some lyrics he once half-heard from a song someone once hummed to him. Which is then processed, naturally, with Autotune.

Nonetheless, George set about this task with relish, and carefully documented the results, most of which sound a bit like, “Hhhhnnn-owvah-thingsa-that’ve-a-cowssttt-a-me-too-a-mwwuch,” but are much less entertaining when actually sung.

This is the sort of aimless, bottomless, thoughtless music that is piped into the lobbies of boutique hotels. The kind of music specifically designed to be as vapid as possible without alienating the well-meaning simpletons for whom the words “George Michael covering New Order” doesn’t sound the kind of internal alarms you’d associate with incoming Inter-Continental Ballistic Missiles.

At least when children make vague burbling noises they have a valid excuse: they’re just trying to communicate their wide-eyed, inexplicable, endless love for Mummy and Daddy.

In making the same noises, George Michael simply communicates the fact that he has a mouth that can make sounds when he wants it to. Atrocious.

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9 Responses to “George Michael – True Faith”

  1. arensb 5 May 2011 at 8:26 pm Permalink

    It’s kind of funny reading this review trying to defend this song. Apparently, if you don’t appreciate the emperor’s new cover, then your audio equipment is shite, and you don’t get “intelligent musicality”. Also, that annoying, overused vocal effect is made by a piece of equipment other than AutoTune (TM).

  2. Dave 13 May 2011 at 4:35 pm Permalink

    Funny thing is that George Michael, for all of his obvious flaws, is not a man without talent. He potentially could’ve given a credible cover of this or most any song, or perhaps just sung a bland version that would exhibit an ability to carry a tune. Drowning in phony overmodulated vocal effects and accompanied by a cloying studio band is not only bad but really lacking anything that would show him deserving of a record contract. With the amount of stuff done to his voice, it could literally be anyone singing. Maybe his voice is shot.

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  7. RealReview 13 November 2012 at 5:55 pm Permalink

    Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, byt I must admit that your review lacks any realistic insight or unbiased proffesionalism. First, George decided to cover this song after heainr the lyrics after he was relesed from jail. The lyrics themselves reminiscent to drug problems and abuse, which George at the time could definately relate to. His cover, sad, slow and synthesized vocals, took the song into a distinct and almost morbid direction, which is exactly what George intended for listeners to feel when gathring the mood reflected in the vocals and music. To say a cover has to sound exactly like the original is ingnorant, many artist have coverend may smash hits and made them thier own success stories, while still respecting the integrity of the original. The lyrics of the song show the pain and confustion drug abusers know, and not so knowlingly, experience during anguished trials of tribulation. The “auto-tuned” voice that so many listeners love to bash on George’s track? The synthezized lyrics were meant to recreate the mixed eotional state of confusion, fear and euphoric highs and lows addicts feel when they’re high…and low too. Think about the last time you were dead high or drunk and how the voices and sorroundings jumbled and mixed ans sounded in your head…then you;; understand George’s so called “auto-tune”. He is a genius and this track did the original and his comeback justice. Kudos George, your talent and artistry may not be understood by all, but your numbers and hits speak for themselves.

  8. RealReview 13 November 2012 at 5:58 pm Permalink

    Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I must admit that your review lacks any realistic insight or unbiased proffesionalism. First, George decided to cover this song after hearing the lyrics after he was relesed from jail. The lyrics themselves reminiscent to drug problems and abuse, which George at the time could definately relate to. His cover, sad, slow and synthesized vocals, took the song into a distinct and almost morbid direction, which is exactly what George intended for listeners to feel when gathering the mood reflected in the vocals and music. To say a cover has to sound exactly like the original is ingnorant, many artist have covered many smash hits and made them thier own success stories, while still respecting the integrity of the original. The lyrics of the song show the pain and confustion drug abusers know, and not so knowlingly, experience during anguished trials of tranced tribulation. The “auto-tuned” voice that so many listeners love to bash on George’s track? The synthezized lyrics were meant to recreate the mixed emotional state of confusion, fear and euphoric highs and lows addicts feel when they’re high…and low too. Think about the last time you were dead high or drunk and how the voices…sorroundings jumbled and mixed and sounded in your head…then you understand George’s so called “auto-tune”. He is a genius and this track did the original and his comeback justice. Kudos George, your talent and artistry may not be understood by all, but your numbers and hits speak for themselves.

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