Take That – Smells Like Teen Spirit
There aren’t many times when the words ‘Thank God Kurt Cobain is dead’ could be legitimately muttered. Today is one of those days.
Smells Like Teen Spirit is one of the very few heavy rock songs that everyone loves, and everyone knows.
Thus trying to reconstruct the thought process behind Take That, at their mid-90′s peak, covering Smells Like Teen Spirit is the simplest of tasks.
“Boys,” their cigar-chomping manager would have said, “we need a ‘rock’ bit in the next tour. Something a bit daring, but still safe enough not to threaten the grannies at the back. Which one of you wants to flush all of your self-esteem down the toilet?”
They all wanted to.
It’s hard to hate a bunch of thoroughly nice boys like Take That. But their frankly weird, loungey, faux-angry take on Kurt’s finest moment had me reaching for both my nailgun and my Bumper Book Of Boyband Home Addresses in an instinctive momentary desire for bloody vengeance.
Stretching the meaning of the word ‘asinine’ to its most ductile and insipid conclusion, this is a cover version that keeps on giving the longer it continues.
And by ‘giving’, of course, I mean ‘turning into an endurance test of unbridled horror’. For this is a cover version that accurately mirrors Kurt’s most morbid moments.
When Gary*-From-Take-That strut onto the stage, tears off his white vest and croons “Load up on guns..” in the style of a seven year old who’s been allowed to play with his dad’s tape recorder and mic, any lingering hope of redemption dies a pallid, sad death.
The agony of witnessing Howard**-From-Take-That’s tentatively-plucked guitar solo, complete with comedic, affected Dave Gilmour-esque facial contortions, drops like a white-hot stone into the pit of your stomach, cackling and spitting until the day you die.
To accurately recreate Nirvana’s explosive dénouement, the most exceptionally awful moment is saved for the end, when the whole band wind up the song in the same raised-eyebrow-eye-contact-with-every-band-member 3-2-1 derrrn-derrrr! ending that has blighted the work of wedding bands since time immemorial.
An epic folly performed on the biggest stage. Those boys have balls. Or maybe none whatsoever. And, yes, that high-pitched humming sound is Kurt spinning in his grave.
*or possibly Mark-From-Take-That
**or possibly Brian-From-Take-That (or whatever)
RELATED POSTS:
- Peter Gabriel – Street Spirit (Fade Out)
- The Corrs – Little Wing
- Sting – Little Wing
- Jonas Brothers – Take On Me
It’s nice compared to this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6NeAkoQRltU
haha, this is somewhat awesome.
cant be as bad as the flying pickets version
While a TT fan myself (for 20+ years) I’ve just re discovered this and I have to agree!!
Its not good!! (Coulda been slightly better if Mark took lead!!)
I was highly amused tho at you calling Jason, Brian!!
If you think this is bad you need to find ‘Brian’s’ cover of Another Brick In The Wall!!
I have NEVER heard a song SPOKEN so badly out of tune before then or since he attempted to perform it!!
You will think Gary’s version of SLTS is a master piece in comparison!!
http://soundcloud.com/cut-n-funk